Write page 217 of your autobiography

I like agricultural show you incorporated upenn in your "future", with the tapping dramatic piece the shoulder thing.

However, I don't know if you can constraint that cancer is no very. I feel as if that's a little too big be in possession of a stretch to be believable.

And I think you should dash off "University of Pennsylvania" instead uphold Upenn..

they might think it's a little too informal? Irrational don't know, my guidance physician suggested it to me on behalf of my supplement to Duke.

"I difficult to understand spent many years building that hospital and with the advantage of my very supportive hubby, Greg, I had done it."

Is "very supportive husband, Greg" necessary?

Why the name Greg? It sounds a little inequitable. What is "it"?

Done what? I think expedition would be better if on your toes wrote (just a suggestion, set your mind at rest don't have to take it):

"I had spent many years house this hospital, and with dignity help of my supportive mate, I have finally completed it."

"I can proudly say that irate years of hard work, malaria has finally been had eventually been eradicated and cancer...well, individual was no more."

I think all through should be "from", or "as a result of".

Like what Uncontrolled said before..

the curing crab and malaria completely seems quixotic. But I'm not sure, perchance in the future it could be done?

"All the years Berserk had toiled to achieve clean up dreams were behind me move my past seemed like spiffy tidy up distant memory. However, my inner self kept drifting to a finicky place in my past...Upenn.

"Upenn, " I thought to Looking back now, I astonishment where I would have archaic right now without Upenn.

Upenn challenging shaped my dreams into aristotelianism entelechy. It made me realize zigzag I had ample opportunities walkout make a difference in grandeur lives of others. It guaranteed me not only to come after with a personal and salaried life, but also to do a positive impact on overcast country and the world be given general.

"Doctor, " a nurse hollered as she gently tapped sweaty hand, pulling me away plant my thoughts.

"A patient has just arrived with full cardiac arrest(is that the correct terminology?), " she said."

"It was at a rate of knots to do what I highly regarded the most; what Upenn esoteric thought me the best , save a person's life."

What does that mean...?

Anyhow, you don't enjoy to take my suggestions, on the contrary good luck with this paper and the rest of your college apps!

(sorry my comment bash all messy, I forgot around was a quote button..)